Proprietor

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Yesterday was the big day. I cunningly slipped out of the office early – not so difficult as I’m to only one there, the rest is on annual or maternity leave – and headed to the village where she-who-make-white-T-shirts-turn-yellow-when-she-washes-them works. Unfortunately I jumped off the train two stations too early. Fortunately, this proved to be very close to where the notary’s office was. Unfortunately, my wife felt insecure about taking a short-cut, and she insisted on driving back to near her office (15 minutes in the opposite direction) to take the route she knows (20 minutes back). So we made a 35 minutes detour to get at a place 5 minutes from the train station. But as it was my fault that I got off the train at the wrong station, I didn’t want to make a fuss. She was already stressed enough and who can blame her?

It’s not every day you buy a house.

Finally, the day had arrived when we could sign the last papers and receive the keys from the previous owners. So, now we’re officially the owners of a 5-bedroom, 2-storey house with a front and a back garden and room for two cars.

This also means we can start the DIY-work. My hands have been itching for months (note to self: take bath one of these days). At the moment, we’re in the optimist pre-work phase. This means that we still have delusions about what lays ahead of us, believing that it will take only a couple of weeks to remove the old carpets, clean the wooden floor in the bedroom, replaster the old chimney there, remove the wall paper in the living room, the dining room and the bedroom, clean the ceilings and repaint them, clean the carpet in the living room and redecorate the three previously mentioned rooms.

In a next phase, we will be up to our ears in work and face an endless number of problems, pitfalls and so on. We will shout at each other and feed ourselves with an endless stream of junk food.

In the third phase, I will find myself three months past the foreseen deadline, loosing every free moment to DIY-ing, while my wife and the neighbours will tremble in fear from my frequent yet totally unpredictable and violent outburst of frustration.

In the final phase, friendly but strong young men in nice white coats will gently lead me away to a waiting ambulance, to the friendly place with the nice big gardens where my nerves can heal while I learn embroidery. Meanwhile, the wife will hire a team of professional builders to try and rectify the damage that I’ve done to the house.

I’m so looking forward to this!

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