Abolish Mornings Now!

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6.27 AM/6.30 AM: Mrs.B's alarm goes off, with its high pitched voice. 'Time to get up', she shouts in the optimistic voice of a true morning person.

I ignore her. I will not listen to her, nor wake up, because it's not 6.30 yet. Her alarm clock is wrong and mine is right. My alarm clock/radio says it is 6.27, so hers is wrong. I don't care if she says that hers is right because it has the same time as the television's clock downstairs (which gets its time from the cable company). I don't need to verify my alarm clock's time because I know I am right and she is wrong.

Moreover, it is entirely besides the point whether it is 6.30 or not. I do not get up before 6.35. My schedule would fall apart in shambles if I got out five - nay seven! - minutes before my waking up time.

Mrs.B will not listen to reason, especially not when it's proclaimed as a series of mumbling noises and grunts from under the duvet. She throws the blankets away. My body is suddenly confronted with the winter cold and goes in shock.

Before I can recover and smash my wife to death, she's already stomping around and opening closets and making noise and throwing items on clothing on the bed. I feebly reach for the duvet but she's on to me and uses physical violence to get me up.

I'm very tickly.

So she storms out and I follow her down the stairs, trying not to trip over and mentally preparing myself for another glorious day.

---

6.57 AM/7.00 AM: Mrs.B barges into Wolf's room and yells in a high pitched voice: 'Time to get up'.

Wolf ignores her. He will not listen to her, nor wake up. Mum is wrong and his biological clock is right. It's still too early to play, so mum is wrong. He don't cares if she says that its 'waky-waky time' because he doens't have to pee. If he doesn't have to pee it is clear the he is right and she is wrong.

Mrs.B will not listen to reason, especially not when it's proclaimed as a series of mumbling noises and grunts from under the duvet. She throws the blankets away. His little body is suddenly confronted with the winter cold and goes in shock.

Before he can recover and smack his mother on the head, she's already stomping around and opening closets and making noise and throwing items on clothing on the bed. Wolf feebly reaches for the duvet but she's on to him and puts him on his potty.

Ok, he DOES have to pee.

So she pushes him out of the room and he climbs down the stairs, trying not to trip over and mentally preparing himself for another glorious sandwich with chocolate paste.

 

Comments

Oh dear.

I'm not a morning person either but I wouldn't argue with a lawyer as to whose clock is telling the correct time. I think I'd just sit up in bed for 5 minutes until my body is able to get out of bed.

Head of the family

Yes but you see, I'm the head of the family so I'm always right. Right?

Wrong

If you're always right you should be out right now buying your darling wife something for tomorrow. And don't forget to cook too.

Check and double-check

Gift: check (mini-check because very small gift)

Cooking: check (home-made bean broth for lunch, we're going to a Chinese restaurant with some friends in the evening)

Poor wifey

Your poor wife. Here she sacrifices (yes sacrifices!) her precious few sleeping minutes to make sure the males in her life are on time.

And what thanks does she get? None.

Except the extreme pleasure of seeing your sleepy faces contorted in pain as the winter chill covers you. HAhahahahaha!

You've met her?

You two met each other at the League of Evil Women, haven't you?

How did you know?

Rats. We shall have to cover our secret tracks better methinks.

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