diarrhoea

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Featherweight

If you want to loose some weight, there's nothing better than a fine African travellers diarrhoea. Seriously, I can recommend it, you should try it when you have the chance!

Just make sure you stock up on loo rolls before the lukewarm dredge hits the proverbial fan.

Room With A Poo

One of our cats has diarrhoea, the problem is we don’t know which one. The last couple of days we found piles of vomit too. That just happens from time to time. But now it’s really getting serious.

This morning I entered the cats room and I almost stepped in an apocalyptic landscape of green, watery pools and droplets of poo around their climbing post. One of them had obviously been sleeping on the ‘upper terrace’ while he had suddenly experienced a very acute attack of the runnings. There was slimy green poo on the top level of the climbing post, another pool on the terrace below, a couple of droplets one level down and a big pool at the foot of the climbing post. There was also a spray of droplets that had flown in the direction of the coat hanger, luckily the pressure was not high enough to reach our coats and the wall underneath.

Still, it cost me the better part of half an hour to clean it all up. And then I had to make sandwiches for lunch. Very nice!

My love duck is taking the two of them to the vet’s this evening, he can sort out which one has rocket-poo and which one is innocent. If he doesn’t prescribe anything, I still got a couple of wine-corks from when we had visitors a week ago.

Honeymoon Hangover

We arrived back from our honeymoon, after a gruelling 24 hours of travelling by taxi, plane, another plane, yet another plane, train, bus and tram. We brought with us a whole heap of souvenirs such as a leather cowboy hat that fits me better than John Wayne, a bunch of sweaters made of soft Alpaca wool, a woollen hat for every child in the family, T-shirts and so on.

And I brought home a severe case of diarrhoea.

I had bad luck with the last couple of lunches in Quito, every time I picked out the wrong food in the wrong restaurants. So my intestines began to protest. Add a nice triple jet-lag to that and I found myself lying awake all night while my innards produced strange sounds and frighteningly bad smells. It still hurts a lot, so I didn’t go to work today and I have a doctor’s appointment at three. I hope there won’t be too much traffic in our street at that time, I don’t want to be condemned for trying to gas a couple of dozens of bystanders.

Zombie From Outer Space

Today I will mainly be a wreck, as I was yesterday and during the weekend and Friday. I know it’s fashionable to say your busybusybusy, but let’s say I’m very fashionable at the moment. I have to finish a working version of my database by Friday and a four-year development programme together with my colleague by the end of April. The wedding is getting ever closer and after finding our house we now have to get a loan and start the registration procedure.

I’m so tired I’m feeling all whoppy and woozy in my head, it feels like the inside of a Dyson vacuum cleaner. And to top it all off I’ve got a serious case of diarrhoea. No matter how busy it is on the streets or in the train stations, there’s a triangle behind me five meters deep and four meters wide where no-one dears to tread for fear of being gassed. When I passed the European Commission building last week during the European Summit, I almost got arrested on suspicion of planning a terrorist gas attack.

So I’m going to see the doctor this afternoon, I hope I get better before I leave for Niger on Friday. It’s the hot season now, which means it’s somewhere between 45° and 55°C in the shade. The way I’m feeling at the moment, I won’t be able to cope with that. I’ll turn to pudding the moment I set foot on the tarmac.

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