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Homing Signal

I walked through the tunnel that links Brussels Central Station to the nearby metro station, when I saw a blind woman in front of me navigating her way through the busy crowd. She was tapping with her white stick to find her way, and to frighten away other commuters that jumped aside to avoid a whack on the shins.

Then, coming from the other end of the tunnel, I saw a blind man coming. He also had a white cane in his hands and sought his way through the humdrum. Now this tunnel is quite wide, must be ten meters across or something. But those two blind people were storming directly at each other. I don't know what happened, I guess they were homing in on each other's taps. And before I could warn them, they bumped right into each other.

I can imagine both of them saying: 'Can't you look where you're going!', and then 'No, I'm blind!' simultanuously.

Of course this is not funny, it is very impolity to laugh with blind people, especially when they bump into something or someone. Only bad people would snigger when they'd witness such a scene.

And I'm a very, very, very bad person...

1-0 For The Coffee Table

Since the dawn of time, or at least since the invention of small decorative furniture items, there has been an ongoing war between coffee tables and toddlers. For small children taking their first steps, the coffee table is a natural enemy. It is preying on them, while they try to keep their balance. For a toddler, falling on its bum is not a big deal, because of the thick padding that is provided by their diaper. They are even capable of increasing the padding, by doing a big number two. Although the feeling at impact must be a bit wet and slimy, it provides an added pneumatic cushioning effect.

Most furniture will help your little bundle of joy to keep his or her balance by providing support when they feel they’re wobbling a bit too much. But coffee tables are just to low to give that support. Yet they stand in between the soft landing zone of the wall-to-wall carpet and your baby’s lip. And they have sharp edges. The most sadistic ones have a glass top or metal edges. We have a dark wooden one with relatively rounded edges, but they are hard and edgy anyway.

Yesterday, Wolf stumbled over my wife’s slippers, which were illegally parked next to the coffee table. With a mighty ‘thud’ he landed with his head on the coffee table. His mouth hit right on the rim of the table.

Pain! Blood everywhere! A heart-piercing wail followed by inconsolable crying! Parents veering up, father running to the kitchen for a cold washing cloth while mother cuddled and caressed and tried to hush the little baby.

His lower teeth went right trough his lip, but luckily they didn’t wiggle. It took us a long time to comfort our little guy, every time he would put his fingers/thumb in his mouth and then he’d feel the pain again.

We tried to ease the pain with ice-cream, but there was only an itsy-bitsy left in the container and it was so old that it tasted foul. We are really inept parents.

And This Little Piggy Went To The Hospital

When people get older, they tend to shrink. My father is 62 years old now, but he shows no signs of this phenomenon.

So he decided to take matters in his own hands.

He had offered to help me again with the bedroom on Thursday, but he called me yesterday to say he couldn’t make it. He cut off the top of his finger with garden scissors, you know the ones that can cut through 1cm thick branches. Only a teeny bit of skin still connected the top to the rest of his finger.

So they rushed to the hospital and the doctors sewed it on again. He will be fine, but he can’t use his finger for a while.

The man is really careless with his hands. When he was still studying (to become a pharmacist), he rammed a glass tube through the tendon of his right index finger. Ever since he has a crooked index finger that he can’t move, except where it joins his hand. The ultimate mouse-click finger if you want.

But he really should be more careful (and wear gloves!)

Financial Shock

I have a new colleague since a week or two, to replace our old financial manager responsible chief-executive person. He was a bit worn-out so we shipped him off to Canada. We found a replacement just in time. We have a small office with only three people, and my boss is on maternity leave. For a while it looked as if I was going to be the only one left in the office, which would be very depressing.

But Thursday morning I got a phone call from the brother of this new colleague. She had fallen off her horse. Badly. She’s in the hospital at the moment, waiting for surgery on her arm. Her back received a serious blow too, she’ll have to wear a corset for a while.

I know you all sympathise with her, but think about me! I’ll be alone in the office for weeks. And worse still, I’ll be responsible for the financial management. We’re doomed I tell you! We’ll be bankrupt by Christmas!

My first job is to pay the salaries. Would anyone notice if I’d make an 'error' when I pay out mine?

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