January 2007

  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument::init() should be compatible with views_handler::init(&$view, $options) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_argument.inc on line 744.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 607.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 607.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_boolean_operator::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter_boolean_operator.inc on line 159.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_style_default::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_style_default.inc on line 24.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 134.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 134.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/cvwuaemp/domains/bartlog.be/public_html/sites/all/modules/views/views.module on line 906.

Crime Wave

Last Sunday I was a victim of a serious crime. Grand theft, to be precise. And the worst thing is that it happened right under my nose.

The crime scene was the swimming pool. There were loads of people, and to me everyone of them is a suspect. If they weren’t actively participating in the theft itself, they were at least passive accomplices, playing the innocent fools who have nothing better to do than bobbing around in the water between me and my priced possession, which was waiting for me at the side of the pool.

Hail King Winter!

It’s been freezing these last couple of days. Finally, you could say, because it has been unseasonably warm this winter. So much so, that I discovered a bee on our front door last Sunday, when we went to the swimming pool. In our front garden, which faces south, the flowers are pushing up and showing their heads. You can hear some birds that you wouldn’t hear normally before spring singing too. So we will probably loose a lot of plants because now the temperature finally dropped to normal lows for this time of year.

You Haul 16 Tonnes

Last Saturday, I decided to clean the rubbish out of our garden and bring it to the container park. Because of the refurbishing of the dining room (that we don’t use to dine) and our bedroom, and the reparation of the roof of the annex, we had a number of piles of various types of debris in the garden.

The Mexican Dish

Today’s dinner is The Mexican Dish. Contrary to what its name suggests, The Mexican Dish was not invented by a Mexican. It was invented by my sister in law when she was in college and quickly made furore in my wife’s family. They all love it.

The Mexican Dish contains rice, peas, paprika cut in dices, finely chopped up onions and ground up beef. Oh, and loads of curry powder. To me, it looks more like Asian curry-rice than a Mexican dish, but who am I to criticise my sister-in-law?

Boob Catapult

Let’s go swimming today’, said my true love last Sunday.

An excellent idea! We’d been talking about having a swim for ages, but you know how it goes when nobody actually holds a gun to your head.

Better try on my bikini first’, she continues. ‘I’m not sure it still fits.

A wise decision. Since she’s pregnant certain body parts have been expanding exponentially. Big boobs are definitely a plus of making your wife pregnant.

Boy Or Girl

We went to the gynaecologist yesterday, and this time we didn’t forget the bloody video tape. The gycololo man asked us last time if we wanted to know whether we’re going to have a baby girl or a baby boy. At first we said we wanted it to be a surprise, but after the last scan we started to doubt and we ended up admitting to each other that we were very curious to know. Not in the least to facilitate the discussion about names. We quickly agreed on a name for a girl, but we were still bickering on over boys’ names.

Bart’s Yer Uncle

Yesterday evening my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. At least we’re told she’s beautiful, but we’re going to check that on Saturday.

Little Hebe weighs three and a half kilos and measures a healthy 50 centimetres. Apparently it took my sister only four contractions to push her out, so she was very eager to conquer this world. Mrs. Bart just hopes that her labour will be as short as my sister’s.

Dressed For The Cold


It’s January so the winter sales have arrived. Women love this time of year, men hate it and I am no exception. But I had to face facts: the winter coat I once had bought to withstand the Bosnian and Kosovar snow, ice and cold (down to -30°C) is now nothing more than a thin and ragged shadow of itself. I also needed some new shoes – desperately – as I’ve explained earlier.


I should have been in Algeria right now, but the obvious lack of desert and camels and the high number of pubs and fry-shacks tell me that I’m still in merry old Belgium. The people who invited me send me the paperwork for my visa-application just before Christmas. So naturally, my application drowned in the big heap of travel documents that are requested around that period. My colleagues went several times to the consulate, but they were blocked by two cunts (hence: cunt-sulate, woohah!) that just kept on saying ‘no’, without specifying why.



Someone kicked my wife in the belly tonight. It wasn’t one of my feet, because they both have an alibi. The kicks came from inside her belly.

It’s a complete mystery.

Maybe we should call a famous Belgian detective to solve this case.

Piss Puss

I took a bath this morning, to scrape away the layers of sweat, grease and dead micro-organisms. Macka, our tiger-striped cat accompanied me in the ‘bathroom’, or rather that corner in the kitchen where our mini-tub stands. I separated it from the rest of the kitchen with some pieces of cardboard and old curtains from our previous living room, so now we can at least warm it up to above freezing point.

Habby Noo Yeah

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… Happy New Year! Mwhah mwhah! Best wishes!

And good health to you!